i hate the internet and i hate you

i'm beneaththedirt.

it's like when a manga wants a character to be morally gray in that flashy gimmicky way that's harsh but intriguing

so they balance it with them seeing merit in hard work or sticking to your principles or whatever
and it turns out arbitrary and kind of stupid

individuality is important and all, but it can be used as an excuse for everything until you end up totally disconnected from other people, stagnant, and really bad at everything
this happens on the internet a lot. so many posts that are somehow idealistic and misanthropic at the same time. "every existing system sucks, so refuse to participate in any of them. create something new once everyone else follows suit." truly the mindset of a revolutionary and innovator. unrelated note: do you have a job

i have a lot of gripes with the world, but the only interesting one is this: i hate the internet.

it's the sort of thing that's so versatile and efficient that everyone does what's easiest and makes the most sense
and what's easiest and makes the most sense is moving all social activity to a place where everything has cascaded into Influencers and Followers
people talk about getting "parasocial" or whatever, but i think even if you keep a healthy distance from your idols or whatever, the concept itself is flawed to the core
i am also totally done with people's weird idea that there's meaning and virtue to making something that reaches 1000000000 people. i donn't give a shit.

i want to engage with people and make something really good. but i have lost the ability to see any meaning or morality in huge large-scale effects of a piece of art.
i don't give a shit about people i've never talked to who will never talk to me. i'm not a robot, i can't see any importance in that. this is incapable of motivating me.

i hate how the only way people engage with each other online is by trading journals and portfolios. you have no idea how long it took me to finish this blog, it's so hard to get motivated for this kind of communication...

i think of interesting concepts, and my only role models are creatives. so i want to make stories of my own.
however, along the way i have discovered programming.

you know how in mangas, geniuses are like these weird ass people that do what they're good at all the time, because the act itself is fun and engaging for them whether they gain anything or not
turns out i'm that kind of genius, but for a totally uncool skill. i get excited making really awesome tools me and other people can use, how cringe
as far as i know, i am absolutely alone in this. everyone else is into programming as a career or to make games, and they rarely make anything expressive or designed around themselves.
click the links at the top to see stuff i've made.
email me for feature suggestions, bug reports
or if you want something made. i charge $15 * however many hours i expect it to take.

stuff i like